Monday, May 20, 2013

I've come from nowhere, and I'm not shy to go back

As I was attempting to rank Statham's movies in terms of rewatchability, I was struck by the fact that I just plain don't care one way or the other about the majority of them.  They're just there.  With very few exceptions, Arnold's movies evoked a strong positive or negative emotional response.  Statham's movies on the other hand have already faded into memory, and I had to look up a few of them in IMDB just to remember what the hell War and Revolver were.  The average Statham movie just sits there staring blankly at you.  Almost encouraging you to change the channel and get on with life.  So before I lose the will to live, here is the rough breakout of the rewatchability of Statham's body of work:

The Italian Job
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
The Transporter

I did at least enjoy a few of them, and several of those were new to me. These movies are classics that I'll enjoy coming back to time and time again.  As with Arnold, each of these I would watch at anytime, anywhere.  I just wish there were more of them.

The Bank Job
The Expendables
The Expendables 2
Mean Machine
The Mechanic

These were all very fun and while I don't think I could watch them multiple times per year or anything, I find them all very watchable and entertaining.  Between this and the top tier, seven of the 11 movies are ones I'd never seen before.  That barely makes up for sitting through the rest of them, so happy thoughts... happy thoughts.  Sigh.

Death Race (2008)
Killer Elite
Transporter 2

It starts to get pretty grim at this level.  These are only barely rewatchable and I wouldn't rule out possibly seeing them again someday, but have no interest in actively seeking them out.  Honestly, anything below the top 2 tiers is more or less crap and doesn't really warrant categorization, but what the hell, let's keep going...

Crank: High Voltage
Ghosts of Mars
The One
Transporter 3

These are all very poor movies and, with one notable exception which requires its own category, among the worst movies I've seen period.  Either poorly executed, completely blah, actively irritating, or just plain ugh.  Don't watch these.  Please.  Don't.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Fuck you, Uwe Boll.  Fuck.  You.

Up next - Parker should be available on pay per view tomorrow so guess I'll try to fit that in if I can (how's that for enthusiasm?) and that will have me current on Statham.  I may try to crank through the Fast & the Furious movies before FF6 comes out on Friday.  Never have seen any of those, but interested in the first, fifth, and sixth ones at least. 

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